First cuts after several years of uncut

5 Cuts in one week.. I'm back to the old time.. Couldn't take it no more.. Stuck within the wall.. Void.. Emptiness.. 

Curiosa - "Disini" Lyrics/Poem

"Disini"

Terdiam ku sendiri..

Bersanding mimpi-mimpi..

Tak bisa ku mencoba..

Lupakan diri ini..

Bahwasannya kau menghilang.. 

Dari diri ini....

Tapi tetap kau mutiara ku....

Disini menunggumu..

Disini ku kan selalu..

Disini hadirmu.. 

Yang pergi tinggalkanku..

Terdiam ku sejenak..

Lupakan diri ini..

Tak bisa ku mencoba..

Lupakan dirimu..

Bahwasannya kau menghilang..

Dari diri ini..

Tapi tetap kau mutiara ku..

Disini menunggumu..

Disini hadirmu..

Disini ku kan selalu.. 

Menanti dirimu....

Love will fly away

And flies of love will always be.. 

Here.. In my arms....

Goodbye Forever Dear Lavender.. I'm moving on..

Dear Lavender..  memoirs entry:

All my reason to truly love a woman genuinely has already gone.. maybe forever..the only woman that ever made me fell in love has been taken away forever..and i just barely can accept the reality now eventhough she's been taken over by somebody in holy ceremony since last year.. December.. My eternal obsession..gone.. Yes, We're not meant to be together in this world..

"And there's nothing else i can really do at all.."

If i ever will love a woman genuinely in the future? hmm..i dont think so.. For how long i wouldnt? i dont know.. Since you, after you and in the future, to be honest im just simply faking it 'the love for some woman' for the sake of social normality.. 

just An 'A' or sometimes 'B'

Dear Lavender.. This is My last wishful thinking for you.. May you live happily ever after with your love of your life, the one that you choose.. And no matter what my heart is broken to pieces.. I still pray for the best of your life.. Best of luck And congratulation dear Lavender..

I lay down and buried my true heart for one woman and it's only you..

Goodbye forever Dear Lavender..May you'll be loved and happily ever after with your soulmate.. God bless you.

Remember when i gave you this song "A LETTER TO ELISE by THE CURE" to you a long time ago.. And this also happened to be my last dedicated song to you Lavender..

Deep inside, my love for you will never change forever my Dear Lavender..

I'm Moving on..

Goodbye Forever,

DEAR LAVENDER.. My Memories..

The Cure - A Letter To Elise:

http://youtu.be/-AUCSkHCrwY

STEVOLOGY Episode 1 STREAMING NOW!!: DJ Software what to choose??

CONTROLOGY 101: DJ Software what to choose? (Ep.1. VIRTUAL DJ Overview)

| STEVOLOGY | "Where we talkin knowledge and stuff.."

The Bias New 2013 Mixtape: Hardstyle-Hands Up! Live Mix 2013 (Mixed & Re-Remixed by. The Bias™)

The Bias New 2013 Mixtape: Hardstyle-Hands Up! Live Mix 2013 (Mixed & Re-Remixed by. The Bias™)

Tracklist:
1. Manian - Welcome To The Club (Ct. Jump Remix) [00:00 - 02:57]
2. Brisby & Jingles - L'Amour Toujours (Black Toys Remix)(The Bias OnTheFly Re-arranged-Mix)  [02:58 - 06:12]
3. Bjorn Winter's Hymn (Scoon Delore) Vs Bluntseixal's Kids (The Bias Re-Remix) [07.11 - 10:07]
4. Re-Con & Demand ft. Mandy Edge - I'm Sorry [10:08 - 14:30]

Looking Back on Today..

Several years ago i heard a heartbreaking news comes from the music world , its about the death of Casey Calvert (Hawthorne Height's Guitarist). Now, i was a big fan of their music thou, but, what despairing about Casey Calvert is because he dies as the result of the medicine complication. That was unexpected, he wasnt a drug user.. I believe he took the prescribed medicine given by his former psychologist.. From what i read on the internet, he's been fighting the Depression and Anxiety for years. Now don't get me wrong, he wasnt suicidal, he just "want to live, in peace". You can hear his bandmates testimony about Casey, if you want. Listen to "Rescue Me" by Hawthorne Height, its the song dedicated to Casey Calvert.

How sad it was.. How in the hell allows The S.A.D.(Social Anxiety) person to be left alone and die? The SAD person deserves more protection, they were the most fragile form of humanity, they deserved love because all they want is just to be happy. Such a pathetic little world isn't it?

Now.. Couple days ago, i was listening to "Rescue Me" by Hawthorne Height.. That song made me looked back onto my past. It made me remembered how fragile was my past.. And how several times i almost facing the death itself..

This is just an entree on my diary, a something to remember, a something to looked back on today....


I was a suicidal in the past.

I have tried to kill my own self 3 times in my life.
•First time (when i was 16 years old) by swallowing bunch of medicine (not illegal drugs but a strong prescription drugs) until i collapsed. Been rushed to the hospital, thankfully i could vomiting the chemical on the way to the hospital, so im still alive.
•Second time (when i was 18 years old) by attempt to collide my car onto the opposite car running at highspeed (i remember that car was a sport car). And i was lucky to be alive because instead of colliding with me, that car was struck onto pedestrian pathway
•Third time (when i was 22 years old) ive been trying to hang myself in my own room with a belt, haha, yes with a belt, but for some reason i couldnt done it.

My near death experience:
• i almost dead by Acute hepatitic illness. I was laying in hospital bed for a whole month (13 years old)
• my family car had been attacked by several huge tigers at taman safari, almost ripped the car open, luckily the safari guard was on time (6 years old)
• when my appendix was burst open, luckily the doctor was good (10 years old)

I cant remember how many times i've been hurting myself in so many ways.. To be honest, cutting the arms open is a common thing to me (in the past).

Scars in my body:
• stitches in my right eyebrow that i cover with a piercing (17 y/o, had it when i was fighting 3 of highschool seniors, damn, all by myself..)
• big stitches on my right tummy (appendix surgery)
• a stitches on my right palm and one on the side of my right pointy finger, still hurts till now, i believe there's some misplaced tendon within (18 y/o, this is how i crash my own prom night, by ruining it)



My conclusion from everything that had happened in my past, i should be thankful.. Because only by the grace of God Almighty.. I'm still breathing the air of earth until today. Thank you God, thank you.. For You i chose to live.

.Looking back on today.

- RIP Casey Calvert -

Uploaded A New Song "This Is Viral!"

Song: This Is Viral! (Instrumental Demo)
by Chiko & The Grime Shelter
Grime & Jungle Music, Hardcore Hip Hop..
writer's latest song.