Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Tuesday November, 20th 2012: what am I? What is wrong with me?

All this time I've already been noticing that I was somehow distant, wait.. maybe "different" suits more in this case.. Yeaa different from other ordinary people.. I've notice that, but I wasn't sure.. It's kind of hard to tell because it is somehow ambiguous and buried within..

The "Different":

I can't sense any feelings any other than FEAR..
I can't feel as much of people called genuine emotion. happy, respect, love, etc..
The only thing I can feel is Fear or anxiety..
I am empty.. I am hollow..

For times I've been trying to look ordinary and faking the emotions, pretending that I care..
For times I've been surpressing my primal fear and anxiety, pretending that I am happy to the fullest..

But I'm not!
I can't feel happy, I'm just simply empty or anxious.
I want to feel ALIVE
I really want to feel ALIVE

I should be thankful to my fear & anxiety, because its the only thing that keeps me within the boundary of social norms.
It took me as far as a paranoid little being..

I should be thankful..
Or maybe not!!
Maybe I shouldn't !
Maybe I'm not!!

I'm not destructive, the only thing that I want is free!
All I can feel is only fear!

Is there somebody else in the world having a condition like myself??

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